Experienced mediators think that these suggestions can help you communicate better when you are trying to solve a problem with other friends or family members.

Assuming that there is no threat of physical violence, talk directly to the person with whom you have the problem. Direct conversation is much more effective than sending a letter, banging on the wall, throwing a rock or complaining to everyone else.

Plan to talk to the other person at the right time and allow yourselves enough time for a thorough discussion. Don't start talking about the conflicts just as the other person is leaving for work, after you have had a terrible day, or right before you have to make dinner. Try to talk in a quiet place where you can both be comfortable and undisturbed for as long as the discussion takes

Think out what you want to say ahead of time. State clearly what the problem is and how it affects you.

Antagonizing the other person only makes it harder for him or her to hear you. Do not blame the other person for everything or begin the conversation with your opinion of what should be done.

Do not interpret the other person's behavior: "you are blocking my driveway on purpose just to make me mad!" Instead, give information about your own feelings: "When your car blocks my driveway, I get angry because I can't get to work on time."

Give the other person a chance to tell his or her side of the conflict completely. Relax and listen; try to learn how the other person feels.

Although you may not agree with what is being said, tell the other person that you hear him or her and are glad that you are discussing the problem together.

Once you start, get all of the issues and feelings Out into the open. Don't leave out the part that seems too "difficult" to discuss or too "insignificant" to be important. Your solution will work best if all issues are discussed thoroughly.

When you have reached this point in the discussion, start working on a solution. Two or more people cooperating are much more effective than one person telling another to change. Be specific: "I will turn my music off at midnight" is better than a vague, "I wont play loud music anymore".

Agree to check with each other at specific times to make sure that the agreement is still working...then really do it.

The Mediation experience has shown that these simple suggestions can really work. When people respect themselves, their neighbors and their community enough to work out disputes, everyone wins. However, if all else fails, please feel free to use our mediation services, and call your attorney for an appointment.

Probate and estate administration, estate planning, and elder law attorney George Teitelbaum provides representation to clients throughout Washington, D.C., in all areas such as Northwest, Northeast, Southwest, Southeast, George Washington University, Downtown, Dupont Circle, Foggy Bottom, Georgetown, Sheridan, Logan Circle, Mount Vernon Square, Shaw, West End, Barney Circle, Capitol Hill, Chinatown, Judiciary Square, Kingman Park, Navy Yard, Near Northeast, Penn Quarter, NoMa, Southwest Federal Center, Southwest Waterfront, Union Station, and the National Mall. Also, Suburban Maryland, including: Montgomery County, Prince George's County, Wheaton, Silver Spring, Rockville, Bethesda, Aspen Hill, Gaithersburg, Olney, Leisure World, and Potomac. Attorney George Teitelbaum also assists clients located out of state that may have legal issues in the District of Columbia or in Maryland.

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